Some of you may remember my first post (and for those of you who don't, it's here ) and you may recall some strange ramblings about future agony aunt type posts.
Well I have decided to do it. Mostly because I thought of a title and it would be a real shame to waste it.
So as of this coming Wednesday I will be solving* all your problems on a regular post called "Hump Day Help".
Questions can be serious or ridiculous.
Serious problems will be addressed seriously, all ridiculous ones....well I don't need to say it, do I?
They can be about anything. Love, sex and money or how to remove eyeliner from carpet (trust me, I got that one covered).
All will be treated confidentially, I will not publish your name or details that could identify you.
So if you want some genuine advice or would like to ask a silly or even fictitious question you can direct message me on Twitter , email applecheekedgirl@mail.com or leave an anonymous comment on this blog.
In the highly likely event that I don't get any problems I will steal them from the internet at large.
*please note, that while I will offer genuine advice on genuine problems, I cannot actually solve anything for you. This really is for entertainment. I have no qualifications of any sort and I expect you to use at least one braincell to determine whether my opinion is useful or not.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Angry Bunnies
After a week of assignments I'm feeling a little grumpy.
Yes. yes I brought this on myself, I could have done all of them much earlier but I believe in prioritisation. Which means things aren't a priority until they need to be done. (NB future employers work is always a priority - this stuff is just personal.)
However, I do believe my mood could be helped if other people weren't so unashamedly dumb.
I blame NCEA - here are my top three peeves of this week:
1.)The girl in my PR class who, instead of presenting her own ideas on a marketing plan, simply showed us the promotional material for a well known music festival. Now either she is genius and the only person who understood the task or.... I think the random guy next me described her best when he used the phrase "an empty vessel makes the loudest noise".
2.) The next presentation was better,
Yes. yes I brought this on myself, I could have done all of them much earlier but I believe in prioritisation. Which means things aren't a priority until they need to be done. (NB future employers work is always a priority - this stuff is just personal.)
However, I do believe my mood could be helped if other people weren't so unashamedly dumb.
I blame NCEA - here are my top three peeves of this week:
1.)The girl in my PR class who, instead of presenting her own ideas on a marketing plan, simply showed us the promotional material for a well known music festival. Now either she is genius and the only person who understood the task or.... I think the random guy next me described her best when he used the phrase "an empty vessel makes the loudest noise".
2.) The next presentation was better,
I'm not a vegan but if you don't shut up I'm going to ram this carrot somewhere painful.
* There is a prize for anyone who spots the errors.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
A Pigs Meal and other mixed metaphors
All my life all my mother ever seemed to want was for me to make my bed, voluntarily.
After 28 years her wish has come true.
Although it was not without drama and after 10 minutes (I am very unskilled at bed making) of attempting to return the duvet inner to its cover, I exclaimed to myself "well you've made a pigs meal out of this!"
It must been one of those days. You know the kind where you forget words like car and have to ask your flatmate to take you to the shop in the thing with wheels while you act out turning the steering wheel and changing gears - even though she drives an auto.
Yeah well, because of that, it took me a while to figure out which sayings I had muddled.
Just in case you're having the same mental block I was; I made a pigs ear of the duvet.
Now I'm making a meal of it.
Happy Mothers Day
I also made you a card*
* apologies to Hallmark, my friend bought this for her mum but there were none left when I went back and the other options just didn't quite express the right sentiment.
After 28 years her wish has come true.
Although it was not without drama and after 10 minutes (I am very unskilled at bed making) of attempting to return the duvet inner to its cover, I exclaimed to myself "well you've made a pigs meal out of this!"
It must been one of those days. You know the kind where you forget words like car and have to ask your flatmate to take you to the shop in the thing with wheels while you act out turning the steering wheel and changing gears - even though she drives an auto.
Yeah well, because of that, it took me a while to figure out which sayings I had muddled.
Just in case you're having the same mental block I was; I made a pigs ear of the duvet.
Now I'm making a meal of it.
Happy Mothers Day
I also made you a card*
* apologies to Hallmark, my friend bought this for her mum but there were none left when I went back and the other options just didn't quite express the right sentiment.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Surprise
I was going to do a post on all sorts of current affairs but quite frankly that's not what this blog is about.
It's about me.
And tonight you get to see what few -even those who have lived with me- never do; what I get up to in the wee hours of the morning when you are all tucked up in bed.
Be afraid be very afraid.
Well, what can I say I'm amused. Thats the important thing.
Would you like to see grumpy clown?? No....too bad.
And now happy clown.
Man you guys are lucky!!
It's about me.
And tonight you get to see what few -even those who have lived with me- never do; what I get up to in the wee hours of the morning when you are all tucked up in bed.
Be afraid be very afraid.
Why my mouth is open I don't know but it sure looks strange.
Well, what can I say I'm amused. Thats the important thing.
Would you like to see grumpy clown?? No....too bad.
And now happy clown.
Man you guys are lucky!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Feline Fidelity
Well more feline infidelity or infelidlity, if you please.
For the last two weeks I have been staying with my parents and for the duration my childhood pet has been sleeping on my bed exclusively.
Now my cat Rosey is essentially frigid.
She scratches and bites and only cuddles when she's cold - provided you don't take any liberties like stroking or petting her.
But last night something happened.
When I opened my bedroom door instead of my usual cold, unfeeling, distant and quite frankly abusive bedfellow, I was greeted by my sister's kitten.
The soft frisky bundle of fur skipped past me and nimbly clamoured onto my bed. He looked up at me with a playful glint his eye and before I knew it he was IN my bed snuggled up against me.
My only protest was a startled "you're not Rosey?". I didn't know what to do. He was silky warm as he rubbed his face against my neck before settling in under my arm.
I just lay their terrified that we might get caught! That Rosey might at any moment arrive to claim her spot and find the little usurper.
I could totally never cheat on a real person. I spent the whole night worrying that Rosey had come in and finding Benny had disappeared into the night and in a fit of jealously had duelled with a possum and died of a broken heart.
Honestly! Sometimes I worry about me.
For the last two weeks I have been staying with my parents and for the duration my childhood pet has been sleeping on my bed exclusively.
Now my cat Rosey is essentially frigid.
She scratches and bites and only cuddles when she's cold - provided you don't take any liberties like stroking or petting her.
But last night something happened.
When I opened my bedroom door instead of my usual cold, unfeeling, distant and quite frankly abusive bedfellow, I was greeted by my sister's kitten.
The soft frisky bundle of fur skipped past me and nimbly clamoured onto my bed. He looked up at me with a playful glint his eye and before I knew it he was IN my bed snuggled up against me.
My only protest was a startled "you're not Rosey?". I didn't know what to do. He was silky warm as he rubbed his face against my neck before settling in under my arm.
I just lay their terrified that we might get caught! That Rosey might at any moment arrive to claim her spot and find the little usurper.
I could totally never cheat on a real person. I spent the whole night worrying that Rosey had come in and finding Benny had disappeared into the night and in a fit of jealously had duelled with a possum and died of a broken heart.
Honestly! Sometimes I worry about me.
Monday, April 25, 2011
A Dancing Star is Born
It is done!!!
I have come up with a name for a blog; a soapbox is created.
This reminds me of a quote, which google tells me is from this guy -
“You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star”.
I love this quote. The idea that something beautiful and elegant not only can be but has to be created from a state of disorder.
I guess it makes me feel hopeful certain that something Great must result from the meandering mess that trails me.
However this blog is unlikely to be Great. It will most probably be a meandering mess.
There is no theme and my posts will no doubt be be sporadic.
They will also contain spelling and grammatical errors - not because I can't edit (people have let me edit actual newspapers), but because sometimes I just can't be bothered to fix the typos.
I will prattle on about whatever takes my fancy.
Future posts will ideally include:
Current affairs
Politics
Witty observations
Well crafted opinions
Serious book reviews
Future posts are more likely to include:
Cocktail recipes
Rants
Blatant self-promotion
Shoes, dresses and smiley faces
Pictures of angry kittens
Also A number (2) friends have suggested I give advice. Apparently I'm quite good at this. Personally I prefer to live by the adage "never trust a skinny cook".
So with that in mind I will advice anyone on anything, serious or silly. If no one asks a question I will give unsolicited advice on questions people have asked real agony aunts, for no reason other than I can.
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